Fighting Mediocrity

 

I think the one thing about Christianity today and the appeal that it has for so many is this concept that you are special. There is this belief that you are more than just a name. The thing I think that the church capitalizes on these days is the idea that is driven home that you matter to the world and there is a unique purpose that you have. The western church gives people identity. It assigns you a name before the most high God and gives you a place at the table. With or without scripture to back it up.

I think one of the things that I struggled with most once I stepped away from the organized church in an effort to really test my belief system that I so strongly believed in, was the feeling of being regular. In the organization of the church I was someone. I had a name, I had a place and I mattered. But outside of that system I was Just a girl who had a normal life. There were no spiritual espionages that were going on in another realm that needed my intense prayers, there were no life changing moments that need my hands to be laid upon them. It was just life. Bland and normal. Inside of the church world there was this drive to be relevant and to push people to Jesus. We were always moving and going and fighting the enemy. And for me, this seldom included learning the actual word of God that I professed to believe in. But that didn’t matter because I had purpose. I was a prophet. I was special. I had a seat at the table. I was the bride.

But was I?

Was I any of these things? Am I any of these things? Wouldn’t it be great to know for sure before I run around slaying spiritual demon dragons on behalf of my Lord and Savior?

I struggle with all of these things the more I actually study the bible I claim to base my life on. I find that like most people when you use something as a guide, more often than not you rationalize the things that seem to be “too much” in order to justify to yourself what you affix your beliefs to. In doing so, you miss key points that once examined can’t be over looked. The truth is if you chose to believe in something that has already been established long before you came into being; you have to accept the whole of it. And if you don’t, then you need to question if you truly believe in it or not.

I am not bashing the church or Christianity. But I realize that there were once questions that I could never ask in fear of being shunned. Now, I can. And the most dangerous thing a person can do, to any established system is question. The one freedom that most all deny is the freedom to question.

The one think I have yet to understand is why are some people privy to information while others aren’t, but are expected to dedicate their lives? And why some people are so willing to do so blindly.

Who knows? I suppose ill figure it out one day.