Growing out of brokenness

Everything that I want and desire is in Jesus. Everything that I am is in Jesus. The moment that I take my self out of that truth and I set my eyes on lesser things, I open myself up for heartbreak and hurt. This is not to say that people or things are of lesser or no value, but in comparison to the love of Jesus, they just don’t stand up. In the depths of the Heart of God is where I find all that I am and all that I need. When I stop seeking the depths of His heart and start going after other things, I end up in the center of the things I wanted only to find that there is nothing there that can fulfill me. There is nothing there that can sustain me.

I learned a valuable lesson in these past two months and that is nothing will protect me or give me stability outside of Christ. Even those that you are bound to by covenant are subject to change without your permission. The only thing that is everlasting and eternal is the relationship that one has with the Creator.

I had an interesting thought come to mind when dealing with my own heartbreak in the past couple of days. The thought was that I can stay here, in this place and try and right the wrongs, I can try and fix the missed communication and I can try and restore relationship at the cost of myself, or I can take a step toward Jesus and give all of this to Him and ask Him to help me. I can go back to that place with Him that He has specially made for me and start over. The awesome thing is that I have been given the freedom to not have to clean up my own mess. I can step out of this. I don’t have to take on things that aren’t mine in order to salvage something that wasn’t for me in the first place.

I am in a better place, today. I realize that there are a lot of things that I just can’t see. I can’t see the hearts of others, and I can’t see the reasons why people do what they do, but I can see the heart of Jesus. I can see his face and see the face of my Father. I may not be able to reason all that is His love but the Holy Spirit can give revelation that I may know it though I can’t comprehend it.

My life goals:

To know Him and the one that He has sent.
To be a friend of Jesus
To be like Jesus
To be a carrier of His presence
To walk in freedom
To walk in power
To pray for people and release the spirit of Joy, Hope, Peace and Love (the Fathers heart).

And even in these, they are subject to change should the Lord want to change them.

I really don’t know how to end this. I wasn’t even sure how to start and if it reads how I feel then it may seem like a bunch of random thoughts thrown on a page but I am glad I got it out. I am thankful that I got to go through this. I am learning how to love out of my brokenness. I am learning how to love out of a place perceived offense. I am learning to discern the lies that come and try to convince me that God isn’t good. I am learning. And I am thankful that I have a friend in my life that shows me what it looks like to love anyway. God is really a good God. He really is patient and kind and full of grace and slow to anger. He didn’t judge me or get angry with me for all of the wrong things that I said against Him in my anger/hurt/frustration.  Instead he gave me grace and lead me to the truth of who He is and how much I mean to Him. And though I can’t comprehend it, through the Holy Spirit and revelation I can know it. I can’t reason it, but I can live in it. 

Thank you Jesus.